the feeling of desperation once it's over is instantanious. like running into a wall while walking in pitch black. no warning. i call bull shit on myself. there's plenty of warning. every time it's the same thing. the ability to overlook what the desperation is going to feel like afterwards is what's really amazing. "as a dog returns to his vomit, so a fool repeats his folly". proverbs 26:11. guess i'm a fool. i should have that tat'd on my body as a stark reminder.
the fool, i would think, is actually the one who doesn't listen to what the folly is trying to communicate to him. what is my folly communicating? i don't think i'm ready to go there. i'm not ready to write it down at least.
the folly's communicating but it's also destroying. how do i listen without the folly. go right up to the folly and think but STOP and listen. that's what i need to do. been saying that for about 25 yrs. wow. back to being a fool.
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