Monday, July 28, 2008

running back

my mind's all a jumble this morning. self induced depression resulting from drinking too much last night. couldn't sleep and now i'm all a mess. i didn't get out of control drunk, i just didn't stick to my pre-determined limit and that's depressing. i shouldn't allow it to be depressing. it's all in perspective. i used to not control my drinking at all when in a social drinking situation. 2 years ago i decided enough was enough and limited myself to no more than 3 beers or 2 drinks at any given time. i was true to that for 2 years. i enjoyed it and last night i failed it. see how i make it a failure even though it was 2 years of success? 2 years of success!!! be happy dammit! be excited that you succeeded this long and just plug this into the memory bank of - you didn't cease to be human, nor do you have this drinking thing under control. i have to plan purposefully when i go out or i will forget. i think i was even more disappointed with myself because my wife had the forethought to remind me and i ignored her warning. another failure in my mind but... in my mind i judge my life's value thus far based far more on my failures than i do my achievements. i need to change that.