Monday, April 8, 2013

self worth

this morning, after skipping the gym for the start of my 5th week in a row, i got into the shower and the first "words" in my mind were, "You suck!"

a true indication of where i am but exactly where i should not be.  really, should anyone be there? 

i have 4 kids and am completely against the type of parenting that only gives children positive reinforcement even when they just hit their sibling over the head with a bat to get the ice cream they wanted.  but this morning did give me pause at the message that was communicated to me as a child and the message i'm communicating to my children. 

brought up in the church you're taught that you're a sinner and you can't do anything about it.  confess your sins, ask jesus to help keep you away from sins, build fences around your life to keep the sins away, etc.  while there were people around me who had the "you suck because you're human" attitude,  i don't think my parents, friends parents or my average teacher (with the exception of my hs bible teacher) ever specifically said "you suck".  it's much more subliminal than that.  we're told we're created in god's image, but that image was severely marred by sin.  and...there's nothing YOU can do about it.  best you can do is what i stated above. 

well that does suck.  i do make choices.  often they're selfish.  often i could have made a better choice.  but it's still my choice.  i'm not defined by adam's sin.  i'm defined by my choices.  if i am made in god's image, then i reflect a pretty amazing...(well that's hard to define)...and i don't think i need to believe adam is to be taken literally.  i'm not sure why god would create me selfish, but i generally put myself first.  HOWEVER, the good thing about choices is, you can choose differently next time.  maybe you won't, maybe you will.  bottom line is that you, that i have the ability to choose the kind, loving, healthy, non-selfish choice.  i often do.  if i can make that good choice, i am good.  i don't suck. 

i don't want that to be self-help psycho babel, but i don't want to define myself by the "bad" more than the "good".  i am not incapable of making the right choices. 

i would like to think that the fall really is just a human attempt at explaining why bad is in the world.  a story of a possibility rather than historic fact. 

blogger tells me, on average, 12 people read every post i write...your thoughts??

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